Valley of Burnout

The confidence of a tree

I think I’ve mentioned on these pages before my fear of the future and of all the ‘what ifs’ that sometimes threaten to overwhelm me. Generally I’m a lot more relaxed these days, though sometimes I feel as if those fears are simmering just under the surface ready to pop up and wallop me in the face if I’m not careful. I can trace a lot of those fears back to events last April and May when we had an amazing 24 hours of non-stop prayer at Dungannon YFC followed by a majorly hard time with seemingly everything going wrong. In my blog at that time I wrote:

“…I remember praying at one point, “What’s next?” I kept thinking of Bono’s line – “I’m ready, ready for the laughing gas, I’m ready, ready for what’s next”. And this is what’s next – God’s doing stuff, but you don't half pay the price.”

I’ve often looked back to those times and critically regarded my attitudes at the time as being naïve and kamikaze-like – the 24 hours of prayer was like a platoon of soldiers launching themselves over the parapet to face the enemy, gung-ho, all guns blazing. Then suddenly we realised what it was like to be seriously under fire and were getting it tight from all directions. I think by July/August I reached the point where I just didn’t want to show my head over the parapet anymore – my bravado had gone.

I’m not sure where I’m at with all that now. My passion hasn’t been re-ignited as yet. Although I still want God’s Kingdom to come and I want to be faithful, I’m not exactly ready for 'whatever’s next'. But then that’s ok, God will renew my passion and strength as time goes on. Until then it’s just about taking one day at a time and resting up. As a good friend said to me recently, by taking time out now and listening to my body, I'm making an investment into my future – rather a good way of looking at it! And anyway maybe I’m learning the difference between bravado and faithfulness…ponder, ponder…

…I read the verses below the other day and they struck me afresh, bringing encouragement that God’s got my future (including future trials and tribulatons) under control even if I worry about not being able to cope with it. I get scared I’ll not be able to cope with going back to work, I get scared about not being able to deal with stress in the future, I get scared that I’ll ‘miss’ the lessons God wants to teach me during this season of burnout and then suddenly fall flat on my face because I didn’t deal with things properly. So it’s time to get back to the truth…that whatever comes there is no need to fear; God’s grace is sufficient.

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
Its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
And never fails to bear fruit.”
Jeremiah 17:7-8

posted by Debs Erwin @ 20:27