Valley of Burnout

Moving on

Well it’s actually a relief to be able to go public on my resignation from YFC (see my main blog), at least there’s no pressure to have all the answers and it gives me space and time to continue to figure things out. But I’m realising that actually in many ways the next few weeks will be harder than even the past few months have been. Now I need to get my butt into gear, get a job and get myself back out into the world. When you’ve been hiding away from everything that is quite a challenge! I’m beginning to realise just how much confidence I’ve lost, so the world of work is particularly scary. At the weekend I almost thought I was headed back into the black hole – my life still felt like it was off the rails and falling apart with no chance of me getting myself together again. That’s got to be one of the scariest feelings possible. It’s like something out of a disaster movie – the fear, hopelessness, panic and isolation – ‘will things ever change, am I stuck in this nightmare?’…

But I have to take hold of God’s promises. That can sound so trite and really annoying when you’re stuck in the pit. But over the last month I’ve been trying to focus on the TRUTH. Sometimes my thinking can be so faulty and I’ve discovered the value of taking time to absorb truths from God’s word about who I am in him and all that he has done and does for me. Today I just happened to read this line in my Bible notes:
"One of the keys to Christian maturity is letting the promises of God take root in our hearts and learning to live by them day by day." (Closer to God)

So often I’ve read promises in the Bible and just thought, "Aye dead on, that’s grand, God is my strength and my song, whoopee-do." When actually I really need to apply these truths to my circumstances! So what I’m trying to do today is remember that if NOTHING can separate me from the love of Christ (Romans 8), then even if I end up jobless, penniless etc – i.e. even if what I imagine to be the worst case scenario happens – God will still be there. Even if he is silent it doesn’t mean that he’s deserted me. I was given this great handout to help change my thinking – here are some golden nuggets of truth:

• Rejection and failure do not make me a less worthwhile person, God values me more than a million galaxies.
• I have all the love I need to function effectively in Christ. He is my security and I am complete in Him.
• Because of Christ and His eternal resources, I have all the power I need to live responsibly no matter what happens.
• God loves me too much to let anything happen to me without providing me with the strength and power to handle it.
• My worth as a person does not depend on my performance, but on God’s estimate of me.
• An overruling Providence is at work in my life. God turns every setback into a springboard and I can therefore trust Him to work out everything according to His will.

These statements have been such a godsend!

I've grappled with lots of big questions over the last few months: Am I in God’s will? Have I stepped out of it because I got sick and then decided to leave YFC? Was this meant to happen? Have I failed? Is it possible to come back after your world falls apart? Well I think you could write a book trying to answer those questions! Philip Yancey's writing is brilliant at dealing with that kind of stuff (see links on the right). I think my conclusion is that at the end of the day God is greater – his providence, sovereignty, vision is way beyond me, and his purposes will be fulfilled. He can bring good out of bad situations, and also… He hasn’t finished with me yet!

posted by Debs Erwin @ 19:52