Valley of Burnout

Honestly!

My time off has allowed me to get a slightly better grasp of the importance of honesty. I’ve always considered myself to be an honest person – I’m not very good at telling lies and some might say that you can read me like a book! But I’ve realised that I’m not actually very honest with myself nor with God. I’ve found it hard to tell God what I really think of him, especially if I’m angry with him, because I think he doesn’t want to hear it and it’s not right for me to give him an earful, considering he’s the Lord of the universe and all that! But then if I just tell him what I think he wants to hear, even if that is more politically correct, it’s not necessarily honest. I haven’t always been honest with God about what I want either - I’ve tried to keep my heart’s desires from him, keeping them in the secret place because I’ve felt that’s it’s selfish to ask for things. The thing is, it’s not actually selfish to share my deepest desires with my Father in heaven. He knows all that’s on my heart already but the honesty of sharing these things, even when they’re not pretty, develops intimacy. As Winn Collier says:

“Lament is an act of love. It recognises that in order to truly love, one must be truly honest. Denial is simply a way of hiding, Love does not hide, not even those parts of us that are ugly and sick, not even the words that are hard to say – and even harder to hear.” (Relevant magazine Nov/Dec ’04)

God, to be honest, all I want is to be loved, accepted, made safe and secure, cared for, made to feel special. I’m not perfect God, but I want to be faithful to you, I’m all yours. Please don’t let go of me, I don’t want to lose you, I love you with all my heart.

posted by Debs Erwin @ 20:34