Valley of Burnout

I'm not letting go of you

This morning before I got up, I was thinking about Jacob wrestling with God (as you do!) in Genesis 32. I think for the first time I can actually identify with him when he said he wouldn’t let go of God until he blessed him. I had always thought that that was a kind of selfish thing to say, that Jacob was just looking out for what he could get from God. But now I think I know what’s it’s like. Over the last few months I’ve been wrestling bigtime with God with some major questions floating round my head. And to be honest I’m not letting go, I’m going to hang on. It’s like that line in a Jonny Parks song: "I won’t give up on you/ and I can’t give up on you". The reason? Well I just believe deep down (though some days it’s a lot harder than others) that there is a future for me, that there is more to come and I want to know God more. It’s kind of funny because way back in October/November I think I really had enough of this whole "knowing God" malarkey. I felt like I knew enough – what I knew was getting me nowhere so I definitely didn’t want to know any more! I remember reading a line in my Bible notes that said: "Sometimes there is a deeper blessing for us, but the path to it lies through pain and hardship". At that time I was so fed up of all the pain and hardship that I wasn’t so sure I wanted the ‘deeper blessing’! I’d had my fill of God! But I’m realising afresh that actually that’s the key, relationship with God is what I was created for...and I want more of Him.

posted by Debs Erwin @ 22:23